A couch and all things real.

I feel like some one pushed me down a slide. You know that slide in "A Christmas Story" where santa just punts him down the slide? Ya. It's kinda like that.

When I try and think of how I feel, I normally can't complete a sentence. Typical adjectives include - happy, overwhelmed, introspective, curious, overwhelmed, excited, liberated, reflective, overwhelmed.

A reoccurring theme of being overwhelmed has been ever present in the last 6 weeks of my life. I am not afraid to admit, in fact, the admittance of it is actually what makes this 'ride down the slide' have a sense of clarity.. and fun. I am completely consumed on a daily basis, and am truthfully on a feverish hunt to UNDERSTAND, not stop, this vertigo.

Alittle reality check? My whole life was on my back for a good chunk of the last year, and now the entirety of my life is based on stressful structures (both good and bad) that are self imposed. I can't run from it, escape it, or outsmart it.

Each day is so new, I am given continual chances, and in turn reminded, that I am so new. I am new to this world. To this day. To myself. To the idea of being a person identified by my things, my 'going ons', my extracurriculars. Must the pendulum swing, or is there a steady balance of hanging on and letting go? Being tied down yet free?..

While I am busy taming my wild heart, will I find a temporary reprieve in the city of Madison? My cousin Nell told me, ' the most amazing part of your experience abroad will be your ability to re-experience those memories over and over, in new and different ways'. She could not have been more spot on. While I am busy making Madison a home, I am never but an eye close away from an experience that is all mine.

I have my penny jar set up, post-its littering the wall with different possible countries names next to it. I catch a smell, see a picture, hear a song.. and I am instantly experiencing the memory over again, in a different context with a different frame of mind.. all the while writing a BRAND new, equally as introspective, chapter of my life.

So while the ground slips from beneath me, and I brace for my daily dose of vertigo, I'll try my best to make sense of it all.. and wait patiently for my new (to me) couch.