I could tell you about yesterday. I was contimplating it, in fact. I was already to tell you how hot and beautiful and too much to take the city was with the 75 degree heat. How you started to sweat just standing there, and how we decided to go to a beautiful coastal city called Mondello, with a long beach neatly placed between two mountains. I would've told you about how I ate kiwis and my lips swelled up to the size of Dolly Parton's and then proceeded to blister.
But, I have something SOOO much better to tell you. So funny and so true, I can't NOT write about it.
Today was beautiful in Palermo. Another gorgoues, wouldn't change a thing day. Erik and I went for a stroll through the botanical gardens late in the afternoon. The golden 3 oclock sun was resting perfectly on the benches, and we basked in its warmth. Erik wanted to lay down, so I took a bench directly across from him. He had his headphones on, and I was just sitting silently, indulging in all the beauty.
I was alone and in admiration of the most beautiful trees I'd ever seen for ohhh... I don't know, 20 minutes. All of the sudden this professor looking man approached me (immaculately dressed I'd say, like all Italian men). I didn't think anything of it. I've come to learn that the stereotype about Italian men in partially true. A good chunk of them hoot and holler, turn their head, clap, and would probably pull a bouquet of flowers out of their sleeve for you if they could. I, on the whole, find it charming and funny.
Or I thought I did.
This man sits next to me, and dosen't speak English. I don't speak Italian, so I clearly can't give him the directions I thought he was asking for... Turns out, if he wanted directions, he would've asked an Italian. Bella, Bella, Bella donna, Bella donna, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful woman. Grazie, grazie, thank you, thank you.
At this point I was convienently situated in the middle of the bench. I was looking forward at Erik, and his body was facing all of the way toward me.
"What's your name??", he asked, leaning in.
Me, leaning back with my upper body (very awkward for whoever was watching I'm sure)"Madeline"
"Ohhh, nice, nice, nice, nice."
- May I interject that when you DON'T ask someone's name in return that it is typically unkind. It signifies disinterest in continuing a conversation. His name was not asked.
Then he pinched my cheek. He pinched it in the cute little kid way, and repeated bella donna. Thank you, again sir, but this is getting weird. I inched a little to the right, further away from him. This was no problem for Fabio (I have to name him for the story's sake), who just inched all the closer. He asked me how old I was, and I answered with a brisk 23. He grabbed my arm and started stroking my bicep with his thumb. I should have been scared but I was born without that mechanism. I mean, yes, it was weird, but Erik was right there.
You and me? He said, pointing between the two of us, giving me a huge smile revealing a few missing teeth. A professor with missing teeth? Education and hygiene are suppose to be correlated!! (Turns out he wasn't a professor, that was just me safe guarding myself with untrue generalizations).
We continued to talk for a few more minutes. During this process I am slowly inching down the bench. I was shooting devilish looks at Erik who I knew had to be reveling in this moment.
"Gelato? Me and you?"
"No"
"Cafe? Me and you?"
"No."
"Tonight, alone? Me and you?"
"No. There (pointing at Erik) is my boyfriend"
"Ahhhhhhhh"
We sat for a few painful seconds, and I knew he'd gotten the hint. In European customs, many people kiss on the cheek. It isn't personal, and it isn't creepy. I've gotten use to this, so as he leaned in, I thought nothing more than I was closing a very weird conversation.
.......It all just happened so fast. First he kissed one cheek. Normal. Then he kissed the other. Normal. Then he got FIVE fast as lightning kisses down my neck!! Slobbery, gross, loose kisses, all over my clean and sanitary self.
I was all but off the bench. I strong armed him away, and said CIAO. He then, being mister sauve.. said, oh bella, bella!!
He started to get up, grabbing his briefcase. He pinched my cheek, and grabbed my arm. "Musculosa" he said, smiling wide again. Yes, that's right sir, I'm very muscular. If you think my arms are muscular, you should try my leg, which will be kicking your ass if you don't back off, N.O.W. (oookay, i wasn't that vulgar, but in hindsight that would be perfect).
In reality, I thanked him, grazie, with a tone of get away from me littered all over it. He went in for another set of smooches, clearly taking advantage of a customary goodbye. He got so close to my face his lips grazed my cheek.... ewww, it was a palpable radar straight for my neck.
This time, I'd had about enough. Strong armed, pointed in any direction except where I was, and said CIAO, with loud authority.
He got the clue, and eventually left. Only before circling my bench a good three times.
A) I'm okay, and found it funny, and B) I know you're wondering, where was Erik during all of this?!?
Like I said, he had on his ipod. What I mistook for him letting me roast a bit with this creepy wolf in sheep's clothing was in actuality Erik having been so engrossed in his ibook that he heard not a drop. Only did he hear the CIAO and see me with my arm fully extended against an old man doing his darndest to get his lips on my face. The combination of my good bye, and Erik's 'hello' made him scoot away like a disappointed vulture.
We laughed and laughed and laughed... and then laughed some more. What can you expect? We're in Italy and love is in the air....
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