The Perils of Purpose

Sometimes all of these days off make me feel overly self induldgent. I remember with distant envy many of my 'passions', 'hobbies', and 'causes' from back home-- (everyone loves a good cause). The largest focus of my life in the last four months has been myself, and while it is the absolute best thing I've done, it doesn't come without a certain amount of...awareness.

So today, in my generally unstructured, small scope of a mission I was feeling incredibly needy. I needed something to do. I needed all of the things that meant so much to be back home, that I no longer have a hand in.I needed to channel my energy toward the positive impact that I missed having. I was basking in my needy ungratefulness.

Well, no one tunes in to hear about me being needy, and to be honest, I'd much rather tune myself out when I think about wanting to QUIT my life of supreme self induldgence which is coming to an end faster than I can say Sicilian hot cakes. TAKE THIS GIRL TO THE LOONY BIN!!


Unfortunately, this has not been the first day that I've felt the lack of societal purpose knock on my door. Fortunately, I have now constructed a 100% fool proof remedy.

Get ready for this.... because it's sick. and twisted. and I E.N.J.O.Y. it...


Laundry.... by hand.



Yes, by hand. Heapfuls of stinky (the strongest understatement to date), wrinkly, wadded up laundry from the depths of my pack. I hold my breath and tunnel inside, getting clothes out that look more like core samples than anything resembling a shirt.


I have laundry detergent, and do piece by pain staking piece by hand. I maticuliously care, squeeze, swirl, twist, and rub. The first few shirts have a glorious two fold result. I am perfectly content with the cleanliness and neutrality of stench, MOREOVER, am getting out all of my excess 'purposeless' energy on a very important purpose (however, still personal).... my hygiene. By the time I'm to the middle of the stack, my fingers ache, I'm more or less over the idea, and am happy to have started, but would really like to stop. By the time at the last few articles, I am cursing my pursuit of purpose and just want to go on a fulfilling walk. WHEN DID LIFE GET SO HARD?!... and just like that, my thirst is quenched.

The timing is near perfect. It's as if my dirty clothes are an external alarm clock synchronized to the hour of 'the grass is greener'. I ignore my laundry (because really, I am typically not in my sanest hour when I am enjoying it) until it smells. It piles in my pack and I stuff it down to hide the smell from.. me? Yes, I hide my own gross shirts from myself. But when they're too much to ignore, they set off a clock that goes hand in hand with the purpose I search for... and voila!! a task that realigns the planets and settles me back into contentment.


I did laundry today...... and then went for a walk.