The last two months I have had the sincere privilege of living more in 'the moment' than I have in my entire life. I have been able to experience life without knowing where I'll be three weeks from now, and as trite as this may sound, it has been one of the most unique experiences and learning tools about traveling.
Lets put on our thinking caps, and think. Where will we be in three weeks? Most of people know, and it kind of creates this cozy little sanctuary of predictability, which I myself, also flourished in. Only since I've been really seizing the moment, and being aware of the present, has it made me look at things from an entirely different angle. When spontaneity is the largest constant in your life, you hold on tightly and brace for some vertigo.
So, I've been getting a little better about this..... this, life change. I've actually came to LOVE it. I love the freedom, and the TIME to examine priorities, and every amazing CHOICE that I am able to have.
Yesterday, however, sent a thunderbolt of panic through my temporary German existence. I received an e-mail from UW Madison, one of two schools I may possibly be attending in the fall. It was an e-mail politely saying "Hi, ya, we'd love for you to choose.. as in now, so send us money, get on a second application, and hop on the 'Know What You Want Bus'.
May I interject- I know less now than EVER. I ran away from the ticket depot.
Anyway, this is a perfectly reasonable request from Madison. They need to get ideas of numbers, and start their calculations for next year.
I wish I could say the choice was clear. My initial instinct was this- the city of Chicago, the school of Madison. But here are some dillemas, that have made choosing nearly impossible- Madison- does not have my concentration (this is HUGE), Chicago- they've been sketchy about the financial aid they are able to give- this is also huge, because I was planning on some kind of non-loan (traineeship, fellowship, assitantship etc.)... so the list goes something like this- HUGE PLUS for Madison, HUGE PLUS for Chicago.. HUGE OH NO for Madison.. HUGE OH NO for Chicago.
I have THREE weeks. What I will most likely do is send in the money and papers to both to buy myself a little extra time. Roughly around a month.
But there's one more kink in the armor. I am in love with travelling. REALLY, in love with travelling.. and not the 'extra pina colada, put it on my tab' kind of traveling, the kind where I get to put the whole wide world into lovely perspective, one city at a time. I feel like the further I put myself into debt, the farther away my next adventure will be.
I know few things, but I know this. It would break my heart, nearly literally, to be 80 and not have my C.N.A. pull out one of my home made books from my shelf with my last few worldly possessions, so I could look at the pictures of when I rode elephants in India, or climbed to the base camp of Mt. Everest, saw Brazilian rain forests before they were all cut down, saw a glacier, or climbed the great wall of China.
Anyway, this has seriously thrown me for a loop. I'm buying myself some time, to hopefully look into some more options, talk with both schools and see about travelling options and possible deferments, and well other just traveling options.(THANK YOU FOR THE SUGGESTIONS!)
So it's on. It's time to look within, to hone my 'where will you be in x' skills, to listen to my inner wants, and put all of this self growth into action. But in the mean time, if someone finds a way for time to slow down, so I can go to school, see this beautiful beautiful world, and be back JUST IN TIME to not miss a second more of my sister's pregnancy and the baby.......... I'll do your laundry for 30 years.
travel.
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